I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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