I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
