Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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