my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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