kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
