Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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