ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
