There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
