new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
