you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
