I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
