that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
