Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
