you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize