It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
