New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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