I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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