I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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