I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
