it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
