We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
