I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
