it wasn't lemon gatorade
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
