Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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