dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you win again, gameday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize