I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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