make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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