wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
