as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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