Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
