I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
