I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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