He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
