Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just had sex bonerless
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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