I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
