The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
