Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
