I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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