you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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