I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
...so i touched it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
