please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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