I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
