absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my poor anus
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
