i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
