Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
