Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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