She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
