Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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