so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
