my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
