just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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