i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
