This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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