I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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