i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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