Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
