so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
