just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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