there's paper in my vomit.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
