GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
