WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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